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| sometimes i write an entry..sometimes two... then delete them. i think i just wanna see whats on my mind written down to feel somewhat victorious. im a weirdo.  i miss my bff kayla.  .....
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| so;besides all the beezies hating on me as usual
& a job i hate but have to be thankful for....my life is great right now. some things are happening that i'm loving.mine and jess' relationship is getting soo much closer& a certain part of it has gotten A-M-A-Z-I-N-G **  ** now that we have our own place.
(*oh yea, we bought a house back in dec.! haha!)My valentines present was a build-a-bearHELLO KITTY-- named "Snookie Shnew Shnew" hah! so effin cute!ANDDDDDgetting my other one tuesday which is a massagggggeeee!YUMMM. =]love it? hate me? i'm used to it. =]P.S. HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! <3
P.S.S.--- i need to start reading my tess again.. oh how i miss the murder and unexpected endings. **BIG SMILE. =D | | |
| we have decided to pursue a house again.
all i can say is hold on and wait for the
explosion. =)
EDITTTTTTT:
btw, me,jess,drew,and ashley saw paranormal activity last weekend.
SCARIEST MOVIE OF MY LIFE.
if you haven't seen it..SRSLY go.
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| yea so my last entry was retarded. i was moody. haha anyways so i'm in diar need of some friend time. it blows because ALL of our schedules clash, especially now that kirsten works with me. :-/ so i can't wait til halloween...and even then i don't know if we will all get to hang out. booo. well jess and i went shopping last night (new victorias secret, YES!) and saw zombieland. it was pretty funny. anyways. | | |
| ok so first off i just wanna say i bought a new cd the other day--"The Used: Artwork" album is amazing.
For those of you who may not know, they are my all time favorite band. from day one, they've owned me. i would love to go to one of their shows again. it was amazing. =) =)
ok so anyways.. back to what i've been thinking about.
I was just reading in my profile info a second ago and i read where i had put that my favorite food was sweets, but i was "currently" starving myself. ahah i remember when i wrote that last year. and i really was starving myself. lol
but for real. i'm in one of those moods again where i feel totally worthless just because of my weight. i swear i have the lowest self confidence ever. my sister even made a comment about it the other day and it made me realize i really do have like
this much { } self confidence. :-/
i'm so worried about what people think/are going to think about me that i stress myself out beyond everything. i shouldn't care b/c jess is the only person that matters but, i still stress myself about it. i guess i feel like nobody will like me because i'm fat & don't have a model body, i'm not fake and plastic looking LIKE EVERY OTHER BLONDE FAKE GIRL OUT THERE. i have seriously noticed that there is just like this one standard that everyone is seriously trying to put themselves in. it's like a cookie cutter mold. to be blonde, tan, and fake as crap looking is apparently the thing, but i think it's cheap, unoriginal, and stuck up looking. be yourself
but, to contradict myself, i think i will start starving myself again.i really enjoyed doing it last year because for some reason i felt like i had a purpose? it sounds weird, but that's how i felt. i think i will use this as my journal entry for how i keep track of what i'm eating. maybe it will motivate me knowing that everyone can see it.
well other than that, school and work are still overtaking my life and i have no free time YAAAAY, :-/
but whatever something good will come out of all this one day.
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